Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
