Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
