there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
