So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize