And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
