I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I just put wine in my tea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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