The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize