Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize