I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
