I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
the raccoons are back...
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