Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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