Ambien. No doubt about it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
