we have officially lost it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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