I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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