peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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