So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
