You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
