Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Green mimosas i think yes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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