I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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