Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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