...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize