I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
