chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
