I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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