I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
