dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
