I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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