the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
