one two three fourrrrnication!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize