I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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