"it" just moved
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize