I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
