dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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