i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
