i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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