you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
