that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
