I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
