you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
