...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
