marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
