yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
