I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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