He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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