chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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