marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
PANTIES FOUND
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
