found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize