I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
