I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
