You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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