Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize