:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
