So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
