so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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