dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
