Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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