Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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