real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
