I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
