Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
