we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
