did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
