You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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