is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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