1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
