there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
